Mending the Heart With Cosplay

“Idle hands are the Devil’s Playthings.”

Not too long ago, I found myself suddenly out of a long-term relationship. I’m not here to talk details or perform the customary ritual of discrediting my ex and for the record we’re doing much better now.

Break ups are a strange thing in your 20s. Stuck between an adult and an adolescent, break ups are like an emotional reset. You’re not sure whether to be a productive adult or sob like the man/woman child you are.

I chose a happy combination of both, fine for the most part but there were times that a song would come on or I’d catch a phrase in a book and find myself in a melodramatic haze of tears and ice cream. My apartment became a prison, a constant reminder that the significant other I valued so much wasn’t there anymore. There was no one to return home to. There was no one waiting for me. No one but my sofa.

I needed something to do.

Many of you may or may not know, I’m a cosplayer. I love anime  and other fandoms and it’s been a passion of mine for years. This post also isn’t here to discuss my glorious days as a cosplayer. Maybe another time…

A few months ago a close friend of mine decided that we were going to AnimeFest again. We’ve been to this convention before together and we went last year, we love it. So we started making plans. I had nearly everything ready and I was deciding on outfits when I finally settled down on a new thought:

This year, I’m going to cosplay.

I agonized for a long time over what to pick as my outfits for the weekend. What was suitable for a professional young lady who happens to be a cosplayer?

I settled on a Fem! Doctor Who and a Drifloon-inspired dress.

Now, for a treasured moment: context!

Dr. Who and I have had a long and complicated relationship. I love the series, but at times can be a little put off by Whovians that are a less than accepting, not saying they’re all like that, they just generally tend to speak the loudest . But I decided what do I have to lose and went on with a costume inspired by the 11th Doctor.

Drifloon is my spirit Pokemon. It’s an adorable balloon that tries it’s very best to take children away but because of its light weight, they’re often taken by the children or floating off at the mercy of the wind. Needless to say, they’re pretty damn fantastic and they’re one of my favorite Pokemon.

Once I settled on my outfits, I got to work immediately, gathering materials and sketching and deciding on methods of execution. And of course, like many cosplayers I found that I was adding more and more to the costumes the more time I spent with them.

And suddenly there was a lift in my heart; I didn’t feel as heavy anymore.
It gave me something to do. I had something to look forward to. I had something waiting for me when I came home to my tiny apartment. I was excited to come home and attach the next piece, I was looking forward to cutting and attaching, sewing and painting. The void in my heart and life were filled.

I found meaning in felt, warmth in craft glue and comfort my designs.

Each strip I cut, the fine layer of felt that I’m sure lines my lungs, the coating of craft glue that I’m sure now lines my kitchen counter. It all brought me back to being the me I always am.

Break ups are hard, but cosplay renewed my spirit on this occasion. I was able to mend the hole in my heart with craft glue and pre-threaded needles.

I’m excited to debut these outfits at AnimeFest this year and if any of you, fair readership will be there, I’d love to hang out! Feel free to give me a shout out on Twitter: @RawrAmandaRawr or look for the fez and TARDIS purse.