Greetings, tiny rodent invader.
You probably have no concept of me though I am acutely aware of you. From what I’ve been able to gather, you’ve done most of your running around while I sleep or am away at work. You’ve had quite the little run, haven’t you? You’ve eaten the finest packages of egg noodles and forgotten bottom of the pantry Doritos. You have ruined a perfectly good stash of plastic bags. You’ve invaded my home. You have pricked up my anxiety. You have chewed through my property.
You, small field mouse, have been a real pain in my side.
But I pen this letter to you not to gloat. No no, for you see, I have won. All the traps I laid have been successful and the entryway you had to my tiny apartment has be sealed off.
You, dear mouse, are not welcome here.
However, I’ve done enough gloating, the battle is over but the war is far from done. I’m here to simply say thank you. I want to thank you for forcing me to cope with my anxiety rather than just run from it, though I have done plenty of that already. Thank you for reminding me how wonderful it is to have friends who will stay on the phone with you until you can sleep and will bravely go into battle with brooms and mops against your villainy. I want to thank you for reminding me to clean everything, not just the things I use the most. I want to thank you for making me uncomfortable but in that discomfort to find strength. Thank you for forcing me to feel once more at home while at home.
I want to thank you for reminding me that I am literally and figuratively bigger than a mouse.
I hope your stay in my apartment was at least comfortable, as I am a good Southern hostess. But I hope you and your kind never return to my small domicile.