Nutty B Confessions Part 1: Questionable Fashion

I am always an aesthetic first. I try and find beauty in all things. But working in a mall for 2 years I have been subjected to some very questionable fashion choices. Now I am quick to say questionable over bad because firstly I’m not a total jerk and secondly which may be the most tragic part of this whole section is that these people really think they look good. Not just good; but damn good. I think of it as “They were lied to.” Because everyone does this; before they leave the house they ask someone “Do I look okay?” someone in clear conscience upon seeing such a fashion abomination said “Yes.”

Most offenders are women and the most common offense is the wearing clothes meant for a much much small girl. Being a larger girl I understand fit is always important. If I wear clothes that don’t fit quite right, I look like I ate the smaller girl who was supposed to be wearing this outfit. This crime is colorblind and we’ve all had crimes of fit before. But I’ve seen this nearly every day. Fat oozing out of half-zipped  jeans. Belts near bursting. Rolls spilling out of various too-tight layers of clothing.

 Now this isn’t the only offense. The next largest fashion concern I’ve seen just happens to be hideous clothing. Obnoxious patterns. Vomit-inducing colors. It’s enough to make anyone seriously consider skipping the Fashion Police and just calling the regular police. Leave the Aztec patterns for gift shop baskets and neon yellow for a rave you won’t ever remember.

Can I just get a few things off my chest?

  • Leggings aren’t pants.
  • Bras and panties are not outerwear.
  • For the love of all things decent, pull up your damn pants!

Now I’ve seen tons of great fashion. Talked to amazing people about clothes. I’d like it to happen more often though.

And don’t get me started on shoes. I know what heels can girl’s confidence but I’ve embraced that I am short and meant to remain closer to the ground. But shoes at such dizzying heights even from a humble cart worker’s perspective are just unnecessary.

Working here at this cart I’ve seen breasts fall out of shirts, various body parts uncovered, stains, tears, rips. Everything unimaginable and horrid. It isn’t my place to judge really.  This is less a judgment and more an observational survey. We are meant to question! It’s what makes us human. I just rather do so without having to see such horrible things while I’m trying to work. 

Nutty B Confessions Prologue

So this is meant to provide a little context before embarking on my next literary venture! A confessional about all the bizarre things that happen to me while at work. Now, I work at a kiosk known as The Nutty Bavarian. Affectionately known as The Nutty B. It is a kiosk specializing in the sale of nuts. Specialty nuts. Very special nuts. It is a kiosk. I work in a mall. Insanity must then, by default ensue. Come with me on this magical adventure in irony, fashion and pecan madness.