Okay, it’s been a while since I’ve done a post like this but there’s been, let’s be charitable and say, a lot that has happened in recent events. And because the recent events have made it difficult to focus on the other blog posts I wanted to work on (I’m sorry, still working on them), let’s go ahead and talk about some recent events.
The Passing of Alex Trebek and Sean Connery
It shouldn’t be a shock to anyone reading this blog that I am a huge fan of Jeopardy! considering that I have always been one to hold too much trivia in my brain in place of names of real human beings and American history. In the days of my childhood when the television raised me, I spent a lot of time answering along to the television and delighting when I was right and falling into despair when I was wrong. My love of trivia even inspired me to join the Academic Quiz League in high school, the nerdier and less cared about sister of Academic Decathlon. And at the heart of my love of the quiz show and my pride in knowing the answer was Alex Trebek: everyone’s loving, nerdy uncle. He was diagnosed with cancer not long ago and we all sat by and watched and waited while he told us that he was feeling okay and that he was determined to beat the disease. Well, Alex Trebek passed away; and I don’t think the show or even various aspects of pop culture will ever be the same. Rest well, sir. Thank you.
We also lost Sean Connery, a man who has the immense distinction of being Sean fucking Connery. I’m not the biggest James Bond fan but my former best friend was and by proxy, I got to ingest a ton of material from the storied franchise. Connery, I think, problematic elements aside is about as James Bond as you can get. Not to mention his myriad of other film roles: almost all of them memetic; he was just a fantastic guy. Connery was a legend and got to pass away at 90 in the Bahamas while surrounded by friends and family after 90 years of being Sean Connery: one can only hope to live a fraction as well as he did. Rest well, sir. You’ve more than earned it.
The Pandemic…Still
The COVID-19 pandemic continues to rage across the world and particularly in the United States as we have continued to place capital over people and ignore scientists. The pandemic has affected the economy, killed too many Americans and has put life on a continued pause. It’s been frustrating to grapple with a feeling of intense selfishness at the things I want to do and putting that up against the greater good. I’ve made a few small moments of rebellion in which I go to Half Price Books or stay a little longer than I should while dropping off a cake to the card shop but for the most part, there are still plenty of things I don’t feel safe doing and the effects of that on my social life, mental health and more are things I will probably continue to grapple with in therapy for a while.
The 2020 Election
Okay, so…that was a lot. I remember voting early and casting my ballot and having faith in the system and hoping that I wouldn’t have to worry about this for another few weeks. Dear reader, I was wrong. The election was full of lies, threats of violence, actual violence and just so much hate on the Trump side. Anyone who reads this blog should not be shocked that I voted for Biden and while, yes, I agree that him and Kamala has some problematic aspects to their past: it was them or a literal fucking fascist. I remember going to bed early on election night, knowing the votes wouldn’t be fully counted. My aunts called me in a panic at the red mirage I had been reading about and I did my best to comfort them as if it would by proxy comfort me as well. The days after were a flood of red and then, come Friday and Saturday: hope. Georgia flipped blue, Nevada did, Pennsylvania; a state I almost never think about, ended up becoming the guardian of our democracy and when the numbers were all counted up and Biden won I just let out a sigh. I take a lot of medication to ensure that I don’t cry spontaneously anymore but just the sigh of relief I let out. After that, when I left my apartment for a non-essential trip to the fabric store; people just seemed kinder. The sun seemed warmer. Water tasted better. I just felt like I could stand a little straighter. Maybe it’s projection, maybe it’s insanity, maybe it’s just a delusion but it felt easier to be a human being for the first time in a long time.
I don’t know how the rest of this rapidly winding down year will go. I don’t have answers to any of the questions I’ve been asking for years. At the end of the day, despite Biden’s win and my somewhat misplaced optimism; too many people in the country were fine with voting for white supremacy, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, police violence and I can’t believe I have to say this again but fucking fascism. The fact that this election wasn’t a damn landslide makes my stomach sick but I am also horribly not surprised. Trump’s rise to power is endemic of a problem that many people of color and queer people have known for decades: at its core, America is still very racist, sexist and homophobic. But I do believe that we are at the start of returning to something better than we had before. I do have faith. It may be misplaced, it may be the antidepressants talking, but I do have faith.
This past week or so has been tiring in a way that I didn’t think was possible and this is from a person with a nearly infinite ability to be exhausted. But it’s important to keep taking care of yourself. I know I’ve never been a self-help blog and that won’t change any time soon but I know that I’m trying to take better care of myself with all of this damn time at home that I have; I hope you all have the luxury of being able to do the same.
Till next time.
Amanda.Actually 